If you're reading this note, I guess you found my chest. I beseech you! Do not take what is in it! This book is so rare and so horrible that I would never wish it back upon the world! The authoress, my own gods-forsaken wife, enchanted it firmly so that no fire nor water could damage the pages... the thing is indestructible! By all that is holy, please, PLEASE do not unleash this text upon the world again. The outcome would be terrifying... women are drawn to the potency of this book like moths to flame. They cannot put it down! All women of Tamriel could lose themselves in it for eternity! PLEASE! Close this chest and swim for all you're worth, for you cannot forsee the peril of allowing its contents to once again see the light of day!
In desperation,
Captain Orsin Pallatier